All material copyright Rohit Iyer unless otherwise stated.

24 May 2007

You've Never, "You've Never"-ed?

If you're like me then you really hate it when anyone springs the endlessly pretentious, "You've never...?", in the course of a conversation.

For instance, if at the mention of say... Pavlov, you innocently ask, "Er... what's pavlov?", it's very likely that you'll be hit with the remark, "You've never heard of Pavlov?" Incidentally Pavlov could refer to anyone of several famous (usually Russian) people.

Variations on this way of showing off (with appropriate examples) are:

-"You've never been to Fiji?"
-"You haven't seen Citizen Kane?"
-"You haven't read Gone With The Wind?", quickly followed by
"You haven't WATCHED Gone With The Wind?"
-"You've never been bungee-jumping?"
-"You've never heard of Guaocamole?"

This kind of name dropping is quite irritating. I don't understand why anyone would find it hard to believe that there's a first time for everything and that no one really knows everything. I myself have had the temptation to "You've never" some people, especially when it's regarding some of the more trivial bits of general knowledge. Yet it is definitely ridiculous to assume that every person must have gone through the same education/experiences as you and therefore knows all that you know.

In fact, even the belief that this assumption exists is false. Because, ideally the "You've never?" line is the ideal opportunity to show off one's superior knowledge regarding the world.

So how do we battle this phenomenon?

Simple. We just do unto others as they do unto us. Like so:

Pretentious Prick (From now on referred to as PP): So the other day I got into an argument about Sartre's Being and Nothingness...
You: Er... Sartre?
PP: You're kidding me? You've never heard of Jean-Paul Sartre?
You: Oh, Jean-Paul Sartre? I thought you were referring to Sartre of Mignon, the hidden beast also referred to in some circles as, "The Jolly Roger".
PP: Huh?
You: Don't tell me - you've never heard of The Jolly Roger?

Walk off immediately as though you are thorougly disgusted at such a possibility.

4 comments:

... said...
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Rick Shah said...

Ya I met this PP guy. But sometimes a man's gotta know what he's gotta know... Dont tell me you never heard of the blind carpenter....
He picked up his hammer and SAW....

Rohit said...

rick shah --

It's very different to "You've never" online. With the forces of Google and Wikipedia at my fingertips, I am virtually invulnerable.

-IR

sayerhs said...

All hail the prez!
the only thing that stops me from laughing out loud is the fact that im sitting in the IT!(which is now open from 9am to 9pm on weekdays, till 6 on weekends and closed on national holidays) :P.